Well, I have a bonus profile for you. It’s not a character profile, per se, though one could be described as a character. Enjoy!

Matthew Matherne

Real Name: Wouldn’t you like to know?

Known Aliases: Johann, Keldrigg Farigrimm, Valroan

Age: 20 Something

Birthdate: Sometime between January 1 and December 31, 1990 something

Birthplace: Small town in the United States Midwest

Current Residence: Aforementioned Small Town

Parents: Potentially scientists who created me in a lab from canine DNA, though they might have just used traditional methods to make me. Who can know these things?

Siblings: Two half brothers with the whitest names ever: Jon and David

Significant Others: Not yet, but there is hope! Not much, but hope.

Pets: Chuy, a Pomeranian/Maltese mutt that barks too much, and Whisper, an old, cranky Maine Coone cat who likes broccoli

Hair: Business Cut, Dark Brown

Facial Hair: Full beard, Dark Brown but with flecks from the entire spectrum

Eyes: Dark Brown (Sensing a theme here?)

Height: 5’6ish”

Weight: Too high

Tattoos: Perhaps some day

Notable Features: Left-handed

Clothing: T-Shirt, Jeans/Shorts, Sometimes a ballcap, Sandals/Skater shoes

Armor: I wish!

Occupation: Caretaker, Amateur Author, College Student

Associations: Verbal Realms

Koeleth Standard Warrior Rank: E probably, but I do low blows

Weapon of Choice: Middle Finger

Blessed Weapon: None

Favorite Color: Blue

Favorite Food: Cheese, Bacon, A Wide Array of Fruits

Favorite Drinks: Green Tea, Black Tea, Milk, Mountain Dew, Root Beer

Favorite Flavor of Pie: Pumpkin, Pecan

Least Favorite Food: Tuna, Green Beans, Coconut, Liver

Hobbies: Video Game (Favors RPGs), Reading (Fantasy and Sci-Fi typically, but also Philosophy and Religion), Daydreaming, Writing, Watching YouTube videos, Hanging with my Two Friends (Sorin and Jack, Sad, I know), Playing one Not-Famous MMO, Wallowing in Negativity and Lack of Self-Esteem

Favorite Animal: Old Dogs, Siberian Huskies, Golden Retrievers, Basically all things dog

Favorite Gifts: Food (I’m a fatty)

Unique Talents: Is very loyal, is brutally honest, can make any dog his friend in no more than two days, regardless of aggression, can lose his train of thought in a fraction of a second, can be spontaneously inspirational, can talk your ear off

Other Notes: The happiest pessimist you’ll ever meet, when poked will laugh like the Pillsbury Doughboy, has never been on a date ever, cares for everyone even if he claims not to, consistently fails to ask out girls he’s interested in and then bitterly regrets it for a day or two after they get a new boyfriend, loves all animals except humans and mosquitoes, desperately wants you to like his writing

Hello, faithful readers. I present you with another piece of writing that was promised. Because of schedules and priorities, it was delayed longer than it was supposed to have been, but I have not forgotten my promises. This is the preface to the book of legends that I mentioned. In a few days I will have the first legend for you. You should also be seeing a great increase in productivity this month. I have chapters 12 and 13 almost ready to send out for editing and I have three or four chapters of the legend in the works too.

 

Of Heroes and Villains: The Legends of Koeleth

Preface

 

Hello, dear readers. In my travels I have come across countless myths and legends surrounding the history and culture of Koeleth. At the urging of my compatriots and

Continue reading Legends and Whatnot

Quotable Moments

Tom

“So what are you doing here, Mister?”-a bartender

“Don’t you think ‘Hold my beer’ is a better way to start a fight than ‘Hold my water skin?’ By the way, hold my beer.”-Tom, shortly before starting a bar fight

Aaron

“Look over there! The king’s in a dress and doing the cancan!”-Aaron, to a guard who caught him stealing from the royal palace

“Not again! My lord, this is most unbecoming!”-the guard

“Again? What?”

“What?”

Cleo and Tom

“You harm a hair on her head, and you’re dead!”-Tom, to a villain

“Oh, Tom, I knew you cared!”-Cleo

“Well, yeah. You’re a friend. I can’t just let you die. That would be awful.”-Tom

“How romantic.”-Cleo, sarcastically

“Hey, I’m saving your life. You could at least pretend to be thankful.”-Tom

Tom and his unintentional interactions with the breasts of women

“Aw, dammit.”-Tom, after each and every accidental boob grab incident

“How dare you!”-Kristin, shortly before slugging him in the face

“Tom, this is not the way to woo me.”-Cleo

“Ummm…this doesn’t seem right.”-Catalina

“So, you like the goods?”-Alice

“I know, man. Boobs are great.”-Mei

Dustin

“What’s the matter? You don’t have any friends? That’s not right.”-Dustin, to a lonely child

“But aren’t you the paragon of isolation, Dustin? Don’t thrive on loneliness?”-a traveling companion

“I fail to see how that’s relevant.”

 

The title says it all.

Cleopatra Iris Horsekeep (Beginning of Story)

Known Aliases: None

Age: 21

Birthdate: Summerset (July) 6, 7066

Continue reading New Profile, As Promised

Hello, faithful readers. As promised, I have a chapter to give to you today. Isn’t it nice? After so long going without. You’ll still be getting all the bonus stuff I promised soon too.

 

Chronicles of Koeleth

Chapter XI

Night Vision

“Oh, that?” Theo answered. “Well, pay close attention, folks. Only Tom knows this.” He blinked and his eyes dilated and started reflecting the light of the fire. His smile took on a more sinister appearance as his canines became sharp and fanglike. “I’m a freak of nature just like the rest of you. It’s just a little harder to notice. Wonder why they call me ‘Nightprowler?’ It’s because these bad boys can see in the dark.”

Suren nervously played with her hair.

“He is right,” Gabriel said weakly, still recovering from his earlier incapacitation. “It assuaged some of my mistrust to see that he was an abomination. I also—hesitantly—have placed my complete trust in Mr. Riversedge.”

Continue reading Chapter 11 and Stuff

Hello, faithful readers, if I have any of those left. I wanted to let you know that I am not dead yet. A couple weeks ago my grandmother passed away, and, needless to say, that has occupied most of my attention as of late. I will be back in business soon, and you all have much to look forward to when I am. I’m going to tell you what you’ll have to look forward to, too! I’m going to start on a new short series of chapters revolving around one of Koeleth’s legends. In the first chapter, I will introduce the legend, and then throughout the rest of the series I will be telling the true story. I will also be posting a drawing of some of the weapons you’ll see later on in the main story. Full disclosure, I am neither a blacksmith nor an artist, so the drawings are not great. I’ll also have at least one extra chapter and a profile or two to share. So, look forward to that.